Tuesday, May 30, 2006

A Word About Astrology

I normally don't believe in astrology and its related methodology of horoscopes. But some of my family members and friends are truly believers in this shit. My grandma used to donate tons of food and money to a so-called "shaman" just because he was a "spiritual" leader of the local cult. Nowadays, every time I hear anyone calls themselves "spiritual" my blood boils. It's just after they mention astrology and before I land a flying elbow to their crotches.

Just today I receive an apprarently junk mail for my birth sign. Read below:

"Warm and sensitive by nature, dear Cancer, today you could be feeling especially sensual, and sex and romance are likely to be on your mind. Steamy novels and romantic movies may seem especially appealing at this time, as could inviting bedclothes and warm bubble baths. Plan a romantic evening with the special person in your life - perhaps have a special candlelight dinner at home."

Astrology signs are based off arbitrary Zodiac symbols drawn by people who also believed that light from stars come from burning chariot wheels. Do people really read this shit?

Warm and sensitive by nature, sensual? What the hell are they talking about? I am "sensitive" and "sensual" everyday! And "sex" and "romance" are on my mind all the time! Also notice how the tone is set by the use of "dear Cancer", as if some ancient sage (aka "Lord of the rings" nerds) is addressing to his old friend.

I especially like the "...could be feeling especially sensual" which appears to cover the astrologer's ass in the unlikely event that the horoscope is horse shit and has nothing to do with anyone or anything in the universe. In fact, that would constitute fraud, frankly, so thankfully they depend on the doctrine of uncertainty to protect psychics everywhere from getting malpractice lawsuits.

Have you also ever noticed how people ask for your birth sign and always say "I knew it" only after you tell them which one? That is because they are full of shit. It really doesn't matter what sign you tell them you are, they always nod with sympathy and say "yeah, you are totally a [insert an asinine symbol here], I can tell". No, you can't tell because you're an idiot. I hate it when people ask me what sign I am. You want to know what my sign is? Here:

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