Thursday, August 03, 2006

Albert Einstein's Letters to Various People

The Late show of David Letterman on Tuesday featured a funny session in which Dave read out loud Albert Einstein [fake] letters. Albert Einstein is not only famous for his theory in relativity but also for his hilarious, often eccentric personality reflected via numerous letters from his own account. I am pretty surprised that those [fake] letters actually carry the somewhat similar intelligently humorous tone of the real Albert!

-Dear Ethel, My Forbidden Love,
The only thing expanding faster than the fabric of time and space is the fabric of my pants.

-Dear President Truman,
Glad you liked the atomic bomb. I've got an idea for another superweapon, a full rocket full of bees. I'll keep you posted.
Best regards,
Albert Einstein.

-Kraft Foods
Dear Sirs:
After much research, I've finally perfected a formula for aerosol cheese. Please reply if interested.
Sincerely, A.

-My Dear Mrs. Roosevelt,
Are you sure you don't want to become mistress number 4. According to my calculations, it's just what you need. Call me.
Passionately, Al

-Ingvar Kamprad, Founder and President of IKEA
I've wasted an entire weekend trying to assemble this stupid coffee table! Give me a refund or I'll sue your nuts off.

-Dear Mr. George H. W. Bush and Barbara Bush:
In response to your question, I was indeed a slow learner as a child. Just be patient and I'm sure your son will catch up.
Best wishes, Albert Einstein

-Johnson & Johnson
Dear Sirs:
You conditioner does not work at all. My hair is still an unruly, flyaway mess. Please refund my purchase price of 25 cents.
Sincerely, Albert Einstein

-Editor In Chief, Journal of Advanced Physics
Dear Sir:
Did my manuscript already go to the printer? I just discovered a typo. It should read E=MC3.
Yours truly,
Albert Einstein.

-Hershey Chocolate Company
Dear sir:
After sampling your new Milk Duds, I can honestly say, YOU are the genius, my friend.

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